Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
