I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
