Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
