She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She's allergic to latex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.