My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?