i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.