I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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