Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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