i just wanna soil my oats bro
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.