it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
