Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
