i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
