Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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