I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
