if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
