Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
