I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
