He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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