last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize