Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
