yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
