Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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