Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
