is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
