I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
