i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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