I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
