I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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