Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
