taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
