It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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