after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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