I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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