Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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