There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
