my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
