it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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