i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
