Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
