You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
