Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
