apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
