fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she told me i tasted like america
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
