I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It all started with a game of naked twister.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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