You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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