Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
