if you like me you must not know who I am
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
