I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
