Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
