so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
don't judge my taste in strippers
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
