take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
