i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
