Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
