i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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