i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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