and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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