my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
