He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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