All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
