winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
