turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
