ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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