its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
