Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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