I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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