hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
