Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
