Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
