my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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