remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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