Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
