he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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