I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
