No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
