I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
