He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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