ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
