dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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