I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
