oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can't special order awesome
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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