i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
