so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
