i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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