I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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