Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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