you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize