wat bout pragnant strippers??
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
