I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
